First of all, THANKS for everyone for commenting on my last blog. Made me feel SO amazing about the weight and everything. Just to clarify, my BMI isn't 18 yet, it's about 19.4. Then, I created an email account for everyone here to mail me at. It will go straight to my phone which is ALWAYS with me, so I can respond to them immediately. It is firstname.lastname@example.org. And I really do mean it when I say I'm available day and night. I am available for any happy dancing that needs to be done, or crisis management if anyone is having a crappy day. I'm here. :)
Yesterday, I binged sooo badly. Like for about 5 hours I felt like I was going to be sick from eating so much. I don't purge though and the boy and his brother were here so I couldn't even if I wanted to. I have iron gag reflexes so I can't purge. It sucks sometimes, but also a good thing perhaps, because I don't like purging :(, no judgment of course to anyone who does, cuz let's face it, we all have our daemons and some people commenting on hating to read about cutting, I hate reading about purging, but I am here for those who do so WHATEVER - we are all flawed.
Needless to say, today is a fasting day. Going to do a 43 hour fast. From midnight last night to 7pm tomorrow. I write my last exam tomorrow morning, but judging how bloated and full I still feel from last night, I should be able to get through till then no problem. But since it is my last exam my mother wants to have a celebratory dinner at a mexican restaurant. So there will be eating. Then I plan to fast all of Tuesday and Wednesday. If anyone is keen to join the fast, email me - or just leave a comment. Which ever. So... yes that's it about that.
Then the casting agency that I am part of - remember the beer commercial - they are having their official launch party in about three weeks and part of that is a fashion show, so today I am going to 'model training' to learn how to walk in a runway show. And then hopefully if that pans out then I can be in the show. There are a lot of industry executives that are going to be there. I need to make sure that I get down to at least 130 by then. Because those people need to see me and want to book me. Fuck that would be so awesome.
I read an article yesterday about this woman who did 3 consecutive 40 day fasts. She started off looking chubby and ended up looking like a crack addict. Like not attractive at all really. Holy shit. But she was so thin. Not eating for 40 days. CAN YOU IMAGINE!? I don't think I could. But these people do it for religious reasons. I don't have conviction in that way. Anyway, so yes. That's it from me. Going to not weigh myself today, only tomorrow morning. I want to give the food I ate yesterday a chance to pass through without worrying about the physical stuff that is rotting in my body. Disgusts me.
OH AND! I can't remember which blog it was that put up a quote which has inspired my next tattoo which I am getting as a christmas present to myself - I am getting script on my foot saying: Hominem te esse memento! Memento mori! Which means: Remember that you are but a man. Remember that you will die. I have been searching for ages for something to put on my foot, now I found it. So if it was on your blog that I found this, thanks so very much. :)
Strength, Love & Courage