Saturday, November 12, 2011

Ranting like a FAT PIG!

Weight is 62 flat today. FUCK SAKES! But then, like the little piggy that I am I binged like mad! I had a white bread roll (150), chicken (I'm A FUCKING VEGETARIAN FOR GOD SAKE!), veggies, muesli with milk, two chilli poppers and three huge calorie fillied cocktails. Probably at least 200 each. I can't believe I fucking binged two days in a row. *cries* I was 3lbs from my first goal and now I am 4. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

All of my friends have basically abandoned me! My bff is too busy with her new boyfriend to commit to any plans that we have and then she will want to do something on her time frame and I will end up cancelling because it doesn't work for me. LIKE last night we were supposed to go out and then she told me that she wants to go home at midnight. MIDNIGHT!? Are you fucking kidding me!? So I was like, no thanks, I am not getting all dolled up for two hours out. I think not. So I had drinks with - get this - the boyfriend and his friend who I want to lick like a lollipop. He is SO hot. SO SO SO hot. My boy and I haven't had sex in about three weeks, *SIGH* *SIGH* *SIGH* I thought he would be more attracted to me now that I am thinner. What a joke. All I want to do is hang out today with the friend. He makes me laugh. And he is straight forward. To the point.

Anyway, moving along. Then this morning, it is a reasonbly nice day outside and I want to either - go for a walk in the mountains or on the beach OR I want to go to the driving range. YOU think I could find anyone that wants to go with me!? Hell to fucking no! No one has time or wants to. WHAT EVER HAPPENED to seizing life - taking it by the balls! Doing things. Getting fresh air and exercise. NO apparently not. People are lazy cunt fuckers who just want to sit on their asses and wonder why they are miserable. My ex, who is a golfer, I asked him to the driving range - he says no he is still hungover from Thursday. WHAT ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! YOU ARE A LAZY MUTHA FUCKER! He wonders why his life won't change and his shit will always be shit and why he is a 32 year old server. Well that's why you lazy fuck! *sigh* That boy is on my brain constantly... *SIGH*

And my one girlfriend - she is about a foot shorter than me... maybe not a whole foot but I reckon she is around 5'3'' - 5'4'' and she weighs 83 kgs. Which is about 185lbs I think. She bitches and complains about her weight ALL the time and how unhappy she is. I was unhappy with my weight too - and guess what? I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I did not sit around eating carbs all day, getting NO exercise, drinking normal coke and beer like it's water, not walking anywhere, not going anywhere. I hate listening to her rant about it, because she has been ranting for over a year now and only getting worse. Anyway.

I think I am done with this rant for now. I feel like a fat useless pig. A beached whale. A beached unwanted whale. FUCK. I need to go do something. I may go climb in the mountains by myself but it is SERIOUSLY not the safest thing to do right now. OH on the happy side, an ex boss of mine called me up and asked if I wanted to hostess and my old restaurant. Which of course I do, but only three nights a week. I figure that the extra money will be helpful for my tattoo which I want as a christmas gift for myself, my new blonde hair that I plan on getting shortly (Gwen Stefani blonde) and also I was thinking of having lazer hair removal done on like my bikini area vibe... Maybe? I dunno. And the boy is back on my mind. God, I got it bad.

Anyway. Over and out!

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


Judith Marie said...

oh hun, sorry about the binge, but it's over now, don't beat yourself up over it. start afresh.
And you're a good enough person to know that if you want to do something, you work for it and you get it.
And yeah, I hate those girls who disappear off the face of the earth when they get a new boyfriend.
Life is being a real dick to you right now eh? Big ups for extra cash though. Hope more things go your way soon.

Sam Lupin said...

i had enough food to make your two-day binge sound like a restriction. but - no bloat, no nothing. it's almost like i haven't eaten at all. i'm really cold too and damn fucking period. i hate this time of month.
seize life without those fucktards! TAKE IT BY ITS BALLS. TAKE MY BALLS. ;)
wooot. inspires me to do something about it. not. i can give a fuck about calories when i'm in my semi-binge state during my period. i can eat you. but hey, i did stop when i felt full! ...wait. i never felt full. i stopped when i was like "i don't want to taste this crap anymore". which counts for something!
BLONDE SEXY PROSTITUTE PERSON I WANT YOU IN MY BED NOW. [aside from the overeating, i get over-horny. i can masturbate like...two times a day.]
man, my life sucks.

-George DiCaprio
if anyone asks, i'm busy shining over people's asses with work.

miss alisha said...

Sorry about your binge! Wow, chicken for a vegetarian that's not good! Try to think of what triggered the binge and then you can try to avoid it in the future.

I totally agree with you about getting fresh air and exercise. No one ever want to go out hiking or biking anymore! It's so sad! They'd rather stay inside and go on facebook or watch a movie. Don't give in to that ever! Stay active. And don't let these rejections to invitations discourage you. Keep asking. It shows you're healthy and you enjoy living life. And eventually people will notice how healthy/fit you are and join you, too!

By All Means said...

we all have binges, just gotta acknowledge it and move on, figure out what caused it then avoid that. You'll reach your goal no worries :)

M. said...

You need Sexy time with your man rekindle that fire, go rent a hot tube burn those calories Girl. Ditch the mountain climbing ALONE please cause you could like kill yourself like accidentally you've seen the movies try an relaxing run just listening to nature for a while, or maybe a swim or a bike ride it unbound me and it safe *considering face* except at night lol. I'm currently getting healthy but good luck on your weight lost you can do it like the cliche say except you can do it better

lulani said...

Aww! I'm sorry about the binge :( I've been down that path also, it friggin sucks! Also shitty that there hasn't been any hanky panky, in fact I think shittier than the binge, but maybe I'm just a sex starved horndog, who knows. Any way, I'd go hang out with ya :) but in the meantime, go by yourself, hell you might meet a Hot boy to play with, hee hee ;)


Dying to be beautiful said...

Well, I wish i had someone like you as my neighbor!! i love to go on walks, and do adventurous things but 9 times out of 10 i end up doing them alone because I simply have no friends! I spent the last two days binging too, Wow we are so much alike ha. Have a wonderful day/night<3<3

I Will Be Happy When I'm Thin said...

Sorry to hear about your binge too. I stopped binging a month ago. But it was my meds that were making me feel the urge to. Just thank fuck I stopped them altogether and never again. And chicken isn't so bad but I was a vege before. Well it was just an excuse but I am hoping to get back to it or even some sort of flexitarian? If that's even a word? At least it wasn't McDonalds, right? And you're 178cm! Grrr... I'm like the only short ass around here. Lol! Hope things improve for you. xx