Weight is 62 flat today. FUCK SAKES! But then, like the little piggy that I am I binged like mad! I had a white bread roll (150), chicken (I'm A FUCKING VEGETARIAN FOR GOD SAKE!), veggies, muesli with milk, two chilli poppers and three huge calorie fillied cocktails. Probably at least 200 each. I can't believe I fucking binged two days in a row. *cries* I was 3lbs from my first goal and now I am 4. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
All of my friends have basically abandoned me! My bff is too busy with her new boyfriend to commit to any plans that we have and then she will want to do something on her time frame and I will end up cancelling because it doesn't work for me. LIKE last night we were supposed to go out and then she told me that she wants to go home at midnight. MIDNIGHT!? Are you fucking kidding me!? So I was like, no thanks, I am not getting all dolled up for two hours out. I think not. So I had drinks with - get this - the boyfriend and his friend who I want to lick like a lollipop. He is SO hot. SO SO SO hot. My boy and I haven't had sex in about three weeks, *SIGH* *SIGH* *SIGH* I thought he would be more attracted to me now that I am thinner. What a joke. All I want to do is hang out today with the friend. He makes me laugh. And he is straight forward. To the point.
Anyway, moving along. Then this morning, it is a reasonbly nice day outside and I want to either - go for a walk in the mountains or on the beach OR I want to go to the driving range. YOU think I could find anyone that wants to go with me!? Hell to fucking no! No one has time or wants to. WHAT EVER HAPPENED to seizing life - taking it by the balls! Doing things. Getting fresh air and exercise. NO apparently not. People are lazy cunt fuckers who just want to sit on their asses and wonder why they are miserable. My ex, who is a golfer, I asked him to the driving range - he says no he is still hungover from Thursday. WHAT ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! YOU ARE A LAZY MUTHA FUCKER! He wonders why his life won't change and his shit will always be shit and why he is a 32 year old server. Well that's why you lazy fuck! *sigh* That boy is on my brain constantly... *SIGH*
And my one girlfriend - she is about a foot shorter than me... maybe not a whole foot but I reckon she is around 5'3'' - 5'4'' and she weighs 83 kgs. Which is about 185lbs I think. She bitches and complains about her weight ALL the time and how unhappy she is. I was unhappy with my weight too - and guess what? I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I did not sit around eating carbs all day, getting NO exercise, drinking normal coke and beer like it's water, not walking anywhere, not going anywhere. I hate listening to her rant about it, because she has been ranting for over a year now and only getting worse. Anyway.
I think I am done with this rant for now. I feel like a fat useless pig. A beached whale. A beached unwanted whale. FUCK. I need to go do something. I may go climb in the mountains by myself but it is SERIOUSLY not the safest thing to do right now. OH on the happy side, an ex boss of mine called me up and asked if I wanted to hostess and my old restaurant. Which of course I do, but only three nights a week. I figure that the extra money will be helpful for my tattoo which I want as a christmas gift for myself, my new blonde hair that I plan on getting shortly (Gwen Stefani blonde) and also I was thinking of having lazer hair removal done on like my bikini area vibe... Maybe? I dunno. And the boy is back on my mind. God, I got it bad.
Anyway. Over and out!
Peace & Love