This is meant with no offence to anyone that is on ABC at the moment, but it seems this ridiculous fucking thing has reappeared and everyone is trying it. I have an issue with ABC and SGD - and this is why. I'm not saying they don't work, because they do. Definitely. But my issue is that going onto ABC is recipe for disaster, it is setting yourself up to fail. I have been reading these blogs for about a year now, and let me tell you. In that year, not a single one has actually reported sticking to the ABC for more than a week. And then they are in an even worse place, because they have failed to live up to this impossible standard. I reached my UGW, sure, but can I stick to ABC? No fucking ways. I can't even go a whole week without binging. And then it's the depression and the worthlessness because of this impossible fucken diet. Look, I'm definitely not a preacher and everyone must do what they want, but why give yourself another reason to hate? I'm not looking for ways to fail. And that's what I think of ABC. I'm also ratty because I am tired.
So I just can't sleep. I am stressing so badly about the site that is meant to be launched tomorrow, but now my ex is saying that he will try his best. I don't need him to fucking try. I need him to finish my fucking site. I am so fucking over his excuses. I'm not a perfectionist, but if you say you are going to do something then goddamn do it. Jesus fucking christ on a mutha fucking penguin pony tap dancing on a stick! SERIOUSLY!? As usual. Life is always more important than me. And yet again, every promise ever made to me has been a let down. What a surprise? Well done, very well done. Maybe that's the way he conducts HIS business, but it's not the way I want to do mine. Fuck sakes. Coco is riding high. And I think even Piggy is starting to become more like her. I don't need him. I don't need any man. Right now, it's all about my company and maintaining. Today I have had about 700cals. It's way too much. I can't eat this much, I feel like i've eaten a mountain. So I think I wanna try for 600 a day from here on out.
This is just for my ex....
I can't say this to your face. But I need to say it. You are pathetic. I spent so long trying to make you happy and maybe someone will never make me as happy as you once did, but at least they won't make me hate myself enough to try and kill myself. I'm glad we are done. I'm glad the wool has been lifted. You are mediocre, average, ordinary. These are the things that I fear the most in my life. You can get stuck in your life. Stay there and rot. I thought you were enough for me, but the reason you constantly disappoint me is because you were never at my level to begin with. And the sad thing is that you know it's true.
... Maybe one day I'll have the courage to say this to him. I may be fat and ugly, but I have always known that I am exceptional and I guess I thought he was exceptional too. But I was wrong. Sorry that yall have to read this crap.
Love & Hurt