Yes, I really did. Besides the binge fest that happened on Sunday, spilling over into today - which can be remedied by a couple days of fasting - which is happening as of 5pm Monday till 5pm Wednesday. I will be having tea though. Because I cannot work without tea. Anyway, so besides this disgusting eating which has certainly fucked up my whole beautiful thin BMI - again, I am confident that two days of fasting followed by some nice restricting will fix that. The disappointing thing is twofold. Firstly, i was feeling a little sorry for myself so I drank two bottles of wine. And yes, I got F.U.C.K.E.D up. And proceeded to annoy the boy for hours on end... and I cut. It felt so good, but it's the first time in... four months or so that I have cut and I stupidly cut on my arm. My forearm, so now that's going to be fun explaining. Stupid Piggy. I thought I was okay. And the way I did it was also really stupid, the boy and I got into a fight which I don't remember what about because I was too drunk and I grabbed a knife and started slashing. SO idiotic. I know that I do it to make myself feel better, but I also know i do it to hurt him. I will tell him about it if I want to hurt him... it's so fucked up. It's not bad cuts, more like deep scratches. I don't know what's wrong with me. Anyway, so I'm very disappointed with myself. Fuck sakes. I'm very disappointed that I got fucked up wasted ass drunk. I need to go to AA. It started off with one bottle and then the very edge of memory of last night recalls going to the offlicense to get another bottle. I was fucken wasted already but it wasn't enough. I needed more. I was downing the wine in huge gulps because I wanted the feeling of being drunk and unconcerned. I needed it. it's almost very tragic. I guess... my life is a little tragic.
Drink & Drunk