Monday, July 30, 2012

Ruthless Ambition

I have so much work to do, I really shouldn't even be blogging. But of course, I have to contribute a little something to the meaningless swath of information that is out there on the web. Of course. Last night I ate a little bit of air popped popcorn and some pumpkin seeds after I blogged so my total was definitely up by another 200 cals... which isn't the end of the world. Today, I have had about 600 cals and I'm done for the day. I didn't weigh in this morning for some reason... I kinda just forgot and I won't weigh myself after I've eaten, because of... you know. food weight. Anyway, so I will do that tomorrow morning. Well assuming I get any sleep tonight, which i doubt I will because I have so much work to do. Fuck sakes. ANYWAY. It's not going to be that bad because I've already done the research, now i just have to write. And it wouldn't be the first time I've pulled an all-nighter. Anyway, work aside.

So this challenge... what to do what to do. I have no idea. I was thinking maybe we could have a start date and an end date. Something to work towards. And then, the most weight lost in that time... well. Maybe percentage body weight... Because obviously bigger girls will lose more than the teeny tiny ones, but that's all so complicated. I don't know. Does anyone have any suggestions about this weightloss challenge?

I was watching True Blood this morning, because I <heart> True Blood in such a major way, and you know. There was this scene where the dudes dead boyfriend was sitting in the car next to him and he asked if he was real and the dead boyfriend said "does it matter" and I burst into tears. I think I am finally starting to come to grips with just how much my ex hurt me. And how I much I compromised myself to make him happy. I think what I was holding onto for the last year has been my dead boyfriend. He isn't real, but I didn't care. In my mind, he was the man that made me happy... but. he just ended up being a disappointment. I know I have unreasonable expectations of people, but I have massive ambition when it comes to everything, I want to be the best and do everything I can to make someone else happy. Why couldn't he want to give me the same thing. I think finally. I am starting to move on. And it's just fabulous. And freeing. Somebody that I used to know. I want to cry now. I'm not sure why, but feeling oh-so emotional.

Peace & Love... I wish I had drugs.
Xo Xo

12 comments:

The Lovely Bones said...

The percentage weight loss with an end date sounds like a good idea. I'd definitely be interested in that.
As for your ex, it sounds like he really took you for granted. I'm glad you're starting to feel free and happy without him. Sometimes you really need the chance the think about everything and let it all out so you can move on.
I hope you're okay and you're feeling better soon.
Take care.

clytie said...

I'm up for whatever in terms of challenge, but percentage makes the most sense. It should be out at least a month, month and a half?

It can be so mind blowing to realize the effect people have on use months later, even years later after they're gone. I guess some people just stay with you, no matter how much you change.

ednos Linny said...

I use to watch true blood all the time but Sukey(sp?) started really driving me crazy and I stopped watching lol. As for the challenge I would love to do it but I am a paranoid freak that has major trust issues and I would any something other an peoples word. sorry I know that sounds so bad but honestly how hard is it to type a number and hey if I myself was having a bad week who would really know again sorry I just dont think I could do it. as far as percent of weight loss there are tons of sites that will give you the number you need without all that stupid math. good luck girls.

The Secret Me said...

HI! I can't remember if I have commented or not, these past few weeks have been a blur if I haven't well...
hello!!! LOVE your blog! xxxx
also would love to join you in a challenge!!! It sounds like a great idea!!!
and dw about the boy... well I know how you feel actually, I mean I just had a massive cry about my ex, WHILE, there was another boy in my bed who I really liked... but I think I fucked that right up :s
but I do know it's really hard to let go!!!
xox

tobf said...

I've always thought % total BW lost is the best way to run a challenge. And it isn't that complicated to figure out =]

I'd join in, if you'd have me. How do you intend to run the challenge? Through the blog? Secret FB Group? keep us updated =] and love your blog.

Alice May said...

Hey, the % of body weight lost challenge sounds like a great idea!
I think I know what you mean about holding onto the idea of a person. I hope you're ok :)
Alice xx

Finally Perfection said...

How about an August challenge? It's August tomorrow, right? The % of body weight lost seems like a fair thing to track. Definitely up for it.
And about the boy issue? Get this. I'm out over the weekend with DH's best mate. I'm very sleep-deprived, remember. I looked down and his hands looked just like my ex's (seriously, we've been split up almost 7 years). I had some crazy flashback and burst into tears. DH's best mate was like WTF? Are you ok? I'm so fucked up sometimes, it is worrying.
Well done for moving on. Don't compromise yourself for another. It's not worth it. x

Jessica Edwards said...

totally agree with finally perfection, august starts tomorrow and that'd be a good way to run it for a month! also agree with the other ladies (or gents? lol) about the % being the easiest way to do it! let's figure this out :)

<3 Jess

WinterA said...

Wow you did really good with your intake. I need to take lessons 0_o

I think it is okay to take a little break from the work you are doing. I got some work to do myself but I am so behind on the blogs I decided to play catch up today.

It's always hard to come to terms with anything. I am glad that you are happy with your decision and understand now what the relationship was doing to you. You are coping better than I did after my divorce.

I still have to watch that show. I hear about it a lot but I don't really have cable. Unless hbo comes to the xbox like netflixs I probably will be waiting a long time to watch it.

cosmicbaby said...

i love your blog! (:
and good for you for moving on, my boyfriend just broke up with me and it feels like the end of the world, i don't know if it will ever stop hurting, but this gives me some hope.

i'll be following you (: and here's mine incase you want to check it out.

http://purgingthepainaway.blogspot.ca/

Emma said...

A challenge? I'm SO in. This is what I need ;)
Oh darling... Please do not be so sad. You have an amazing life and we love you so much. All of us. We love and adore you <3 Please take care <3
-Emma

S. said...

Thank you for you cute comment! I know that oh-so emotional feeling, isn't it amazing?

Love
/S / http:// mydarlingsolitude.blogspot.com