Monday, July 9, 2012

Goals Redefined.

Well. The boy and I are well and truly over. And it feels great. I'm so over this drama. And he is never going to come here. He doesn't have enough balls to take what he wants. And that's just not me. So he ended things and I fought, then I gave up. And a friend said to me the wisest thing I have ever heard: But you like me, ever hopeful beyond what you need to be, and get yourself hurt. It's okay to let go. I cried when I read that, because as stupid as it sounds, I had never considered the possibility that it was okay to let it go. There is a peripheral issue here with that boy, my Lilypad (remember him?). But I told him that I'm tired of this hopeless romantic blah blah. If he wants to be with me, he must come here or let me know. I'm not going to move forward if I keep holding onto the past. The advantages of the break-up however are that I can get tattoos - as many as i want, because the boy hates tattoos. I also won't ever have to be forced into having children, thank god. I have regular nightmares about this. So on the whole, it's good. I am definitely very sad about it, but I can only do so much. And love isn't meant to be that hard. I am very disappointed in the person that he is, he has no respect for anything but himself. And that's sad. But I'm done with being disrespected and disregarded. Good luck to his next lady. Because she isn't going to live up to me and when he realises that I can't wait to laugh at him. Saying that, I'd love to still be his friend... he is doing the website for my company, so we will have to be friends. 

Anyway, so my company website will be launched in a week from today, which is SO exciting. I can't wait to start working for myself full-time. I just can't wait. I have started recruiting writers for my agency, so all in all, it's going smoothly. I have also decided that I would like to start a charity that supports a girls football league in Kabul, Afghanistan. I watched the most horrific news segment on how females are shunned and disguarded for having an interest in sport. It's disgusting. So I would like to try raise some money to help fund a girls football league :). But I need to establish my company before I start giving money away. Although I thought that I may buy equipment rather than send money, you can't trust anyone anymore to not embezzle. So my goal for 2012 is to have a self-sufficient company. And my five year goal is to start this charity for girls in Kabul. 

Oh yes, did I mention that now I can lose as much weight as i want without any pesky boyfriend telling me not to. And I am amazingly stoked. I may even try and get as low as 50!! Today I was just below 57. And so far I have had about 170 cals - which included three small blocks of chocolate and lots of tea. For dinner I am going to have honey baked peaches. And that's it. It should put my intake at around 400. Let's hope for a nice 55.something tomorrow. :) 

Thank you for all the lovely supportive comments. I must apologise publicly for not being able to reply to emails recently, I have literally been working my ass off. I will I will. And I know I say this repetitively - I'm not here to encourage an eating disorder. If you want help losing help, I am more than happy to provide assistance. I recently started chatting to a lovely young like-minded legal eagle who I'm trying to help. But I will never encourage my eating habits for ANYONE else, no matter how much you beg. As I have said so often, this is not a joke. I know often we make it sound candid and my life may sound great. But trust me. The only reason it sounds candid is because ranting on and on about how shit it is to have an eating disorder would certainly not be a very pleasant blog to read. 

Love & Peace
Xo Xo


Anonymous said...

Wow, I am so proud of you! It sounds like you're really getting your life in the order you want it to be. I'm so happy for you ^_^ <3
Please take care sweetie <3

Anonymous said...

You are so ambitious and that is awesome! You certainly don't need a guy causing so much drama in your life. Love really isn't supposed to be that hard like you said. I think people forget that sometimes.

Kitty said...

Your own Co - wow :) Gl with everything.

The charity sounds amazing. I was born in Iran - and the female sports teams there don't have it that easy either. So I really think the charity idea is really good. I hope you find a way to be able to help them.

Gl with everything :)

EnHL3 said...

Congrats on starting your own company,good for you and all the best hey...well I think acceptance is key in any situation no matter how painful or difficult it may be,you are moving into the right direction.good that you are redirecting your energy into something positive like your company and your weight loss!!!I personally think you are better off on your own...Thanks for your help,I'm getting there slowly but not worry I'm not gonna do the opposite of what you've been teaching I promise...

Stephanie Ray-leigh said...

That sounds really great(: I'm happy things are going well!
keep it up<3

Trillian said...

"[N]ow I can lose as much weight as i want without any pesky boyfriend telling me not to."

Though the break-up hurts, the losing weight without any guy bugging part is one of the many good things that come with the break-up. lol


Trillian said...

Ugh, forgot to say that I quoted that part of your post because that's exactly how I feel. :)

WinterA said...

You sound much happier. I am glad to hear it. I know you may feel sad from time to time but in the end it may be worth it. Right now you can focus totally on your weight loss and business!

I think it is a great idea for you fund a organization or start your own. I know when if I ever get the money. I would like to start a home for pregnant teens and help them to be able to get a job and learn how to care for their children.

My hubby hated tatts soon as a split up like 6 months later I got one lol. Now I am still going. He didn't like it at first but now he likes them ^_^