First of all, thanks so much for the comments. You guys make me laughhhh (HAHAHAHA! *snort giggle*). And you know, so many of these blogs are lankkkk depro and some of mine are too, but hell I am so serious all the time (lawyer!) and it's nice to be able to put shit out there exactly how I think it.
Okay, so CAVEMAN fucking syndrome. It's real mkay? Basically, when a storm comes up (metaphorical or otherwise), instead of braving the weather, you retreat back to your cave and wait for the storm to pass. I am a fucking EXPERT at being a caveman... besides the fact that I can eat like a caveman... I don't do arguments or confrontation, unless I absolutely have to. Most of the time I just switch my phone off and hide in my house until it's forgotten or I'm ready to not be upset by it anymore. Essentially this is what I am doing with those two guys, because I don't want them to think I'm a fuckhead, so I hide. Let me also just preface this by saying that I really really am silly enough that I really don't like it when people dislike me. I think I'm pretty likeable. Lol anyyyywaaaays. Not important.
I think so often about calories (not just eating them) and how when I was at my fattest, I thought that 1200 per day was SUPER low. And most days I never made 1200. Then I thought, okay keep em down to 1000. And now 500 is my number, any more than that makes me angry. As we well now. Lol. 1200 calories - sounds like a fucking FEAST to me!
Yesterday, I ate and I ate and I ate. Although, I did keep it under 500. Miraculously. I literally had to sit down and be like 'okay fatass, you are going to be in a bikini in 5 days. DO YOU REALLY want to eat that!? PUT IT DOWN FATASS!!!!!" It was tough. I ate pickles like a fucking pickle monster. Then I had a whole cucumber. ALL the tomato soup I made, which was like 5 bowls (but it is so low in cals, that I could) and lots and lots of tea. But it felt like I just ate and ate and ate. Anyway, ended up at around 480. I would have liked it to be half that, buttttt it wasn't. I didn't binge. I didn't go crazy. So it's fine!
I am unfortunately craving carbs like a wild bear, so I am going to have pasta tonight. With pesto. Ohhh, and as per request I shall put the recipe for the soup and this pesto pasta up, but I swear they are soo easy it's not even worth it. Well, maybe I won't have pasta. But if I eat nothing today until then, then 300 cals of pasta won't be too bad right? Ahhhh and like I want mash potato, carbs carbs carbs. Fuck sakes. I am due for my period in about a week, maybe that's what the cravings are about. But it also means I will be Bloaty McWhale this weekend too. All that means though is less food for me.
It helps if I think that I need to take a step back from the eating thing. I'm like: You are a piece of toast. I am a 63.5kg Piggy. I can stomp on you and then you aren't so yummy looking anymore. Stomp stomp. Last night I just about cracked and so I took a piece of bread and was like, okay I'll just eat half of it. So I cut it in half and walked to the bin to throw half of it away. Then I was like... what if I just... oops I threw both halves away. Oh well. I didn't need the cals anyway. Oh right and I'm 1kg/2lbs down from yesterday. :) :) Happy happy. Hopefully I can be in the 62's tomorrow.
Fat Piggy Out! ^_^
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