Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Run RUN Away

Still feeling like crap. My relationship is still falling apart. I still have an exam in a few hours. I barely slept last night and when I did I dreamt of zombie apocalypse. I HATE ZOMBIES!

I fasted yesterday and still haven't eaten so it has been about 34 hours now. He is going out tonight and tomorrow night and Friday he is sleeping at his mothers so he can spend the last night with his brother before the brother moves to another city. SO I can effectively fast until I drop. Which is what I want to do. Definitely won't be eating tonight and gonna see if I can stick it out to Thursday as well. Well, anyway I'm not getting my hopes up, but I am going to see how long I can stretch it. But I am feeling strong, definitely think I can make it through today - I just need coffee. My weight is 138 - awesome. NOT REALLY. Hopefully by tomorrow I can see a 136? :D Maybe.

So after reading your comments on my last blog - my exams do mean something to me. I have tried to kill myself before, except it didn't work. Divine intervention really. And I tried a day before my finals and as a result, I am still trying to finish my degree. I know I probably should have the attitude of no failure, no regrets - having been foiled once before I need to think pragmatically. Also, I would like to at least have accomplished something in my life before I die and these exams will graduate me, so why not. I am definitely going to look for a job for next year and keep going. After I finish exams I am also going to drug myself for a week and sleep it out. Why not.

My mother thinks I should go back to London. And OMG I REALLY would love that, but I need a visa, which is damn near impossible to get. So yes, I may run away. I have also been considering Australia, because I think I would like it there or even Canada. But London is first prize. So I shall see what I can do. In theory I should try and get my ancestral visa. I don't know, I don't know. I'm sure I can do it. My poor baby kitten though would have to stay here. :( I think flying half way across the world wouldn't be good for him. But I know my bf would look after him... well I hope he would. The resentment is creeping in. WHATEVER!

Peace, Love & Skinny Thoughts
Xo Xo


Judith Marie said...

good luck with your fast! I'm fasting too and I hope to drop 2-3lbs by the end of this week. We can totally do this!

I didn't know you'd tried to kill yourself before. Good luck with all your exams and hang in there. Being skinny is worth living for.

brightday*b said...

It's really good to hear you thinking of your future after your last post. I've been thinking of you and as a uni student too, its ace that you're persevering with the degree. It will be worth the hard work.
Good luck in your exams, though you may want to grab some energy drinks/shots/sweets/pills/a banana, so you don't crash and can do your best. I have to do that just to get me through the damn things. Same for essays too, which I am currently struggling with. I just have no focus! Lol.
Why is it hard to get a visa for the UK? I know it's fairly simple for Brits to get one for the US. I would love to visit Oz or Nz. They're so healthy and sporty over there, it defs would suit me. Sun sun sun, would be amazing!
Good luck with your fast, honey, but don't jeopardize your exams. All the best xxx

Charlie said...

I hate zombies too. They are literally the scariest non-real thing to me...
Good luck on your exam, you'll do great. :)

Brittany said...

Zombies scare the shit out of me...Anything scary scares me hahah. The other day i really wanted to give up on, friends, myself etc. but then I realized that I care too much about the world and those around me to just do that. I have too much respect for myself and others. You seem like a really beautiful person and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Good luck with the bf I hope all end up well aaand great job on fasting :)


Beth said...

I hope the fast goes well for you. Its so frustrating when things don't work out the way you planned. But as far as the relationship is concerned i'm sure it will work out. <3

Beth said...

I hope the fast goes well for you. Its so frustrating when things don't work out the way you planned. But as far as the relationship is concerned i'm sure it will work out. <3

Atty said...

Omg go to Canada! I'll meet you there!!