Still feeling like crap. My relationship is still falling apart. I still have an exam in a few hours. I barely slept last night and when I did I dreamt of zombie apocalypse. I HATE ZOMBIES!
I fasted yesterday and still haven't eaten so it has been about 34 hours now. He is going out tonight and tomorrow night and Friday he is sleeping at his mothers so he can spend the last night with his brother before the brother moves to another city. SO I can effectively fast until I drop. Which is what I want to do. Definitely won't be eating tonight and gonna see if I can stick it out to Thursday as well. Well, anyway I'm not getting my hopes up, but I am going to see how long I can stretch it. But I am feeling strong, definitely think I can make it through today - I just need coffee. My weight is 138 - awesome. NOT REALLY. Hopefully by tomorrow I can see a 136? :D Maybe.
So after reading your comments on my last blog - my exams do mean something to me. I have tried to kill myself before, except it didn't work. Divine intervention really. And I tried a day before my finals and as a result, I am still trying to finish my degree. I know I probably should have the attitude of no failure, no regrets - having been foiled once before I need to think pragmatically. Also, I would like to at least have accomplished something in my life before I die and these exams will graduate me, so why not. I am definitely going to look for a job for next year and keep going. After I finish exams I am also going to drug myself for a week and sleep it out. Why not.
My mother thinks I should go back to London. And OMG I REALLY would love that, but I need a visa, which is damn near impossible to get. So yes, I may run away. I have also been considering Australia, because I think I would like it there or even Canada. But London is first prize. So I shall see what I can do. In theory I should try and get my ancestral visa. I don't know, I don't know. I'm sure I can do it. My poor baby kitten though would have to stay here. :( I think flying half way across the world wouldn't be good for him. But I know my bf would look after him... well I hope he would. The resentment is creeping in. WHATEVER!
Peace, Love & Skinny Thoughts