Sunday, October 2, 2011

One-Way Ticket to Nervous Breakdowns-Ville

Thoroughly unimpressed with my life at the moment. First off - I didn't save Friday. I ate like a caveman! Which led to an unintentional fast yesterday. I got caught out lying to him about having eaten at my moms house. He said he was just worried... But then I asked if thought I was more attractive at this weight? And he said yes. Obviously. My mother gave me SHIT and then some more SHIT about my weight. Telling me I know a lot about nutrition and that I must take my own advice. But, I just said that I'm not an unhealthy bmi and that I am just trying to eat healthier and exercise more. Bullshit. BUT... anyway. I decided last night that I am going to try and be happy with 132lbs. I can't deal with this constant Spanish inquisition into my eating. How do you all deal with it? Because seriously, it's killing me.

That aside, I need to get started with this job. And exams are fast approaching. I slept for maybe 3 hours last night from worrying myself into staying awake. I need to start studying badly.

My scale this morning said 63.4kg. So 1lb up from my low low weight on friday :(, but I know that was probably just water or something blah blah coming off. *happy dance* Anyway, I think I can definitely get down to atleast 135 by this friday which is that awesome music festival! OH and my hip bones are visible! YAY for hip bones. I wish I could see a bit of rib though. I mean I can if I lift my arm. And my shoulder blades are also in hiding... muthafuckers!

Anyway. Thinking thinnnnn!!! Thanks for all the comments on my last blog. As for being inspirational (*blush blush*), I would just like to point out that my inspiration comes from the blogs that I follow. I feel like a bit of a poser sometimes, because I'm not as hardcore, I don't purge and even my UGW is not that low. BUT, I love everyone of your blogs. And appreciate them as much as the support I get. Thanks Thanks.
 *slow clap* :p

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


~MLS~ said...

I just deny, deny deny and once more deny.. every time parents bitch about my eating...Or I walk into the kitchen often and open the fridge but take nothing out. But they hear me being in the kitchen so they think I've ate something. Its one big web of lies.

FatBitch said...

Yeah... Denying everything is good. I feel like when you stop talking about it yourself it gets a bit easier. Deflecting. I'm determined to not tell anyone that I'm losing this time. People will start to ask about it when I get down lower, but I've already been thinking of what I'll say.. like Yeah, I'm trying to eat healthier or Yeah, I'm not really sure what's going on.. maybe I have a parasite haha. I feel like the less people know about what's going on in my head, the better. I don't want people to know that I care - I want to create an illusion of effortlessness. Because fuck them and their opinions. Everyone!!! Everyone has their fucking two cents to give. Horrible. It's no one's business.

I hope things work out!! Good luck and stay true to yourself.