Monday, October 3, 2011

Fuck your fucking face fucker!

I am so fucking furious with myself. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I think I swear too much. Fuck it. Anyway. I had a binge day yesterday. After my fast on Saturday, I was feeling very unwell yesterday. So in the morning I had a piece of toast and a glass of fat free milk... About 200 cals... More or less. Then I went to my mom for lunch. AND every fucking member of my family was giving me shit about eating, so I ate with them as well as dessert which wasn't even nice. So easily about... 600? Then I got home and had some crisps with my bf another 200 at least. Then another slice of toast with butter - 200. Then over baked fries. At least 400. So let's see the totals here people - hmmm 1600? Fucking terrible. Today I weighed myself and I'm back up to 64.5kg. Two binge days in the last week with only five days to go till the festival? Ahhh. Well I'm hoping to be a stable 62 by friday. I'm only eating soup till then. Well soup and salads. Basically - vegan, carb free week.

My ex and I chilled together on Saturday, which was really nice. Him and I have a complicated history and technically he's not even my ex. I was dating this other guy, but leaving for england. So it was always going to end. So L was friends with N and L always hung around N's flat etc etc. There was always something between us, like you know when you make weird eye contact and stuff. So one night N and I came home drunk off our asses and N went to bed. I wanted to watch tv and chill with L and M(flat mate of N) on the couch. M was fast asleep and L and I were kinda cuddling on the couch. Then we kissed. And it was all over from there. We slept together in the week later and hung out a lot. Then I got on a plane to London for 6 months. We texted a lot, fell in love blah blah blah but then his ex moved to our city and it was all over. MUTHAFUCKER! I hated him, I thought he was the biggest cunt bag on the planet. Anyway, so I didn't see him for the first 3 months that I was home, but by then I was dating my current bf. Anywwwway, so on SAturday he tells me he's still in love with me... Like. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!?!?!? I think it's just cuz I am 'hotter' now that I am thinner. What a cunt honestly. So now, I think I need to just avoid him for a while. Make sure nothing happens. Because when you get drunk, it is really easy for something to happen.

Well okay, so now I have ranted like a mofo. Fuck sakes. I am so hungry. I'm going to make tomato soup, but a super low cal one i.e. tomatoes, an onion, garlic and some veggie stock. Super low cal. And snack on that all day. I have been trying to be good about my vitamins as well. So ya. Yes we can. Ahhhh, I'm so bleak that I won't be 60 by friday.

Bleakass.
Courage & Respect
Xo Xo

7 comments:

GoxXy said...

I also had a binge,and also weigh 64.5kg,and also want to be 62kg by Friday. lol xD

Don't worry too much about it. It happens.Good luck! <3

Sam Lupin said...

I'm jealous of you! 64.5kg at least is something I may be able to say to someone. Other than my 68.3kg! *sigh* I will get there! xD
Also, sweetheart, don't worry! A little binge but it's not your fault! When someone tells me to eat and I do eat, and loads - I just feel like the entire day is useless! Why try to restrict then? Or that used to be my thoughts before! Interesting prospect - a vegan, carb-free week! Wow! Good luck?

<3
Bastard.
Love sucks. Learn it from me.
Who has a sucky love life. I don't really care for love actually. <3

:) I'm hoping that you cross your goal, darling! Here's to you! <3
-Sam Lupin

abbifa said...

i know how you feel, i had a bing day yeasterday and the day before, im guessing over 2000 at least each day. have managed to be good today with 550cal and a 3 hour walk but sooo scared about weighing in the morning, didn't have the nerve today!
keep strong hun, you can do it, we are all here tto help

xabbix

Atty said...

Hey girlie! Good luck with everything!
Would you mind sharing that tomato soup recipe?
Hope you feel better soon!
Constant support-Atty

Barbie said...

your blog is so cute! you are doing so well and your writing style is hilarious.

lots of love!
barbie x x x

Beth said...

Well fuck! if you fucking cuss to much then it fucking must be oh fucking kay!

You are fucking doing fanfuckingtastic and a few fucking days of caveman eating cant fucking set you back, missy.

you are my fucking hero and I fucking love you. I am always fucking here for you.

see? you fucking like that shit!

Run said...

I was left saying fuckity fuck fuck fuck after the weekend too. Gah. I went from 57.9kgs to 60.6kgs though most is probably water weight. Still, it is a kick in the freaking teeth. Thankfully today was a fast day to combat it.

Swear all you want. :) A vegan, carb free week sounds pretty good actually. 62kgs doesn't sound impossible to get to by Friday.

Take care. xxx