HAVE SUCKED GINORMOUS HAIRY DONKEY BALLS!
So basically my life has gone to shit and back in the last few days. On Friday, I fasted, NOT because I wanted to, but because I could not literally eat. The boy and I had a sit down chat about how he isn't in love with me anymore. So I am going to move out, actually I am going to move to England. Unless I get funding for my next degree, then I will do that and then fuck off to London. Which frankly, I am really excited about. And honestly, I am not all that sad that my relationship is failing - I haven't been happy in a while. Basically where we are though is "working on it." I'm trying to change some things about myself that he has issue with - for example apparently my opinionated-ness is seen as bitchy and I have no imagination - apparently. Fuck me, I moved to London to be an artist - and I have no imagination - okay.
So Friday night I went out with my sister and cried and got absolutely hammered ass anihilated drunk and cut myself to pieces. My torso looks like I have been attacked. Criss crossed cuts up and down my fat ass stomach. And a couple on my arm. The next afternoon, the boy and I had a shower together and he saw them. I don't care - what is he gonna do - dump me!? Wha'eva.
So yesterday was spent just spending time together and trying to remember why exactly we are dating each other. The thing is though, that I don't like the person I have become with him and if I can try go back to how I was in the beginning then maybe I will be okay and this relationship will survive. I don't think he is worth killing myself over though. The thought of him with someone else nauseates me.
Yesterday, I ate a lot. Today, I haven't eaten yet but I am going to get some chinese or something yummy. I don't care. BUT, exciting news - I have been booked for an advertisement - for a beer commercial. I am not sure if it is print or tv commercial, but I'm stoked. I am also probably a background extra and the shoot is 13 hours long and quite a drive out of town. But who cares!? WOOHOO for commercial. So I am going to fast tomorrow. Don't want to be fat on the job.
Yes, my life is a bit crap at the moment. But c'est la vie. Cut cut, drink drink - woowoo ... andddd sleep.
Thanks for all the comments.
Peace & Love