I have decided to create an alter ego for myself. And her name is Coco. (I wonder why?) And before you think that Piggy has gone fucken mental, hear me out. I can't be strong all the time. Even though I am doing okay with the break up and all of that, I still feel like I am weak. So I have decided that I can be as weak as i want, but Coco is my game face. She is the face that I am using towards my ex, my family and friends (with exception obviously) and my work. Coco is fierce, she doesn't take shit, she is not emotional or sad about anything. And while Coco is around. There is no sadness, tears or weakness. And then Piggy, can be as sad and pathetic as she wants. I'm not sure if this schizo little idea of mine is actually a good idea, or even that it will work. But I can tell you, that I called my ex earlier to check on the status of my site, because with the launch only a week away, I am starting to stress serious balls here. And Coco spoke to him. Even though I'm fairly certain he has already fucked someone else, Coco doesn't care. Coco just wants her site. And Piggy is only due for reappearance later this evening and when she does, maybe she'll cry about it. Maybe Coco will tough talk her out of it. I'm making the decision to let it go. And I hope Coco is going to help with that. Coco is also perfect, she doesn't binge. That's Piggy's domain.
Today I weighed in at 56.4kg. I have had about 420 cals today so far and I will probably have another orange and some tea. So about 500 total. Yesterday I ended on 340ish. So all in all I am hoping that this will be fine. It has to be. I'm sure I can get down to 55 by the end of next week. And then 50 is only a hop, skip and a jump away. I have had an orange today, about a cup of chickpeas and beans (for the iron) mooshed up and lots of tea as always. The beans made me so full. Which I am feeling right now. But c'est la vie.
Thanks as always for the lovely comments, particularly from those regulars who always comment (you know who you are), once my site is up and running hopefully I will have more time to get back to my porn. Aka your blogs. And thanks for the cool feedback on my charity project. I emailed the Afghan Football Fed yesterday, because i can't seem to get hold of any contact details for the women's league. What a surprise. So I will see what happens. I think I may fly to Kabul ASAP to go actually find people.
Coco & Piggy
Xo Xo
12 comments:
Thanks for the comment and yes I am sure it is all in my head lol. My husband has actually never given me a reason to think he looks at her like that but I am so messed up that if you breath I do not trust you. it is a shitty way to go though life but it is all i have. I completely understand the alter ego thing. I do this too everyone thinks I am strong independent full of confidence. a take charge with no BS girl, but when I am alone or behind closed doors I loss my shit all the time. rarely do people see the "real" me and no one knows much about my past. Good luck and I hope CoCO gives you strength.
I do get the alter ego thing.. I actually think we all have it - they just don't have a name that is as cool as coco :)
At times we just need to be strong even though we might not want to deal with the things we have to be strong about..
so just let coco be in charge for now.. and if piggy needs to cry, just let her..
I hope you get some proper response to your e-mail. And GL with everything
That's such a cool idea - the alter ego thing. I think I need to try that, haha.
Good luck with everything sweetie. You are doing so well! And 56 kilos - wow. 50 is in your sights for sure.
xxxxxx
Thanks for your post. I am going to follow you.
Stay strong.
~Dominic
Coco sounds fierce ;) I like her. And I am all for being someone "else" when with the world but being my real self with the very few I trust and care about. So, go for it <3 But never forget who you really are love.
Take care darling <3 I adore hearing from you.
-Emma
I commented back to you on my blog on the post you commented on. I'm not sure if you get an email or notification that I responded.
I like Coco and I completely understand. Sometimes we have to do this to get past the hard times in life. There is nothing wrong with that.
After my divorce at 19 years old. I felt like shit and I felt stupid for believing everything that idiot told me. Soon I had a alter ego as well. I don't know what her name is honestly but she was fearless and men loved her. She could get anything she want.
Hubby does not like her lol. So for years now I have not seen her.
I am just impressed with how fast this business ideal is coming together and you already moving forward with helping in other countries. We need more people like you in world.
You are not missing too much on my end. You focus on the goal of getting that business off the ground 1st.
Hey madam moiselle...I think coco is a perfect idea darlings!!!big ups reality is we all kinda have that fierce side to take care off important shit and stuff when we fall apart all over the show,but don't forget to deal with the real issues when piggy substitutes Coc0!!!keep thinking like that and the 50 mark is yours in no time...
I kinda have that alter ego thing too(: Mine isn't named, I might think about it though, if a name catches my fancy~
I hope coco can keep kicking ass!
Peace, hugs and love<3
I got one too, at least when I try to get some sense in my spinning mind, but the names vary. It's a good idea, leaves you more protected and free.
<3
I have an alter ego called Mowgli. She's definitely going to need to have my back next Friday because I stupidly agreed to go to a gig with my ex's housemate. I need to look incredible and have an amazing time, just to win the "who is more over who" competition. It's going to be balls, because I still dream about him and wake up crying.
x
my alter ego is Lola...and then there is Renny...Lola is tragic..has an ED, cuts, suffers from BPD....Renny is that girl who laughs, and flirts...then kadzo is just...a ghost
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